Give Helpful Feedback to Friends

Helpful FEEDBACK is a gift you give a friend’s writing. It is NOT a grade, not a roast, and not a vague "it was nice". Real feedback names ONE strength, points to ONE thing to work on, and asks ONE curious question. It is KIND, SPECIFIC, and ACTION-ORIENTED — kind in tone, specific to lines or moments in the piece, and action-oriented so the writer knows what to actually try next.

Glow / Grow / Wonder — the three-part shape

Use the GLOW / GROW / WONDER frame (some writing groups call this "TWO STARS AND A WISH"). GLOW = one specific strength. GROW = one specific suggestion. WONDER = one curious question. Three parts is enough. More than three and you overwhelm the writer; less than three and the feedback feels lopsided.

• GLOW — name a strength: a line, an image, a word choice, an opening, an ending.
• GROW — name ONE thing to try next, with a concrete suggestion ("try a stronger verb here").
• WONDER — ask a curious question ("what happened just before this scene?").
• Always START with the glow — the writer needs to feel safe before hearing the grow.

Specific beats vague

Vague feedback ("it was good", "I liked it", "needs work") helps NOBODY. The writer cannot use it. Specific feedback POINTS — to a line, a paragraph, a word, a moment. Compare: "the ending was strong" (vague) vs "the last line, where the dog runs back, made me smile" (specific). The second one tells the writer EXACTLY what worked, so they can do more of it.

• Quote a phrase: "I loved the line about the rain on the roof."
• Point to a paragraph: "Your second paragraph really pulled me in."
• Name a craft move: "The way you ended on a question made me think."
• Avoid blanks: "good", "nice", "cool" — these are not feedback, they are filler.

Kind tone — focus on the writing, not the writer

Helpful feedback is about the WRITING, not about the WRITER. "This sentence is confusing" is fine. "You are confusing" is not. Notice the difference: one is about a sentence (which can be fixed); the other is about the person (which is mean). Always speak to the page, not the personality.

• Say: "This part felt rushed" — not: "You rushed this".
• Say: "The opening could pull readers in faster" — not: "Your opening is boring".
• Say: "I got lost in paragraph three" — not: "You confuse people".
• No sarcasm, no eye-rolls, no jokes at the writer’s expense — even if you mean them lightly.

Action-oriented suggestions

A good GROW gives the writer something to TRY. "This is unclear" is a complaint. "You could try splitting this into two sentences" is a suggestion. The writer can use the second one tomorrow morning. Always pair a problem with a possible move: a stronger verb, a shorter sentence, a clearer subject, a paragraph break, a vivid detail. You are not bossing the writer — you are offering OPTIONS.

1. Notice a spot that could be stronger.
2. Name what is happening there in plain words ("this paragraph repeats the word said five times").
3. Offer one concrete move ("try replacing two of them with whispered or muttered").
4. Leave the choice to the writer — they get to decide whether to take the suggestion.

Asking a wonder question

A WONDER question is curious, not corrective. It opens a door. "What happened to the dog after the storm?" is a wonder question. "Why didn’t you finish the dog story?" is an attack. Wonder questions show the writer you READ the piece carefully and that you CARE what happens next — they do not punish the writer for what is missing.

• Curious openers: "I wonder...", "What if...", "Could you tell me more about..."
• Aim the question at the WRITING, not at the writer’s choices: "What does the room look like?" is better than "Why didn’t you describe the room?"
• One question is plenty — a list of five questions feels like an interrogation.
• A wonder question is a gift — it tells the writer their world is interesting enough to ask about.

Receiving feedback gracefully

When you are the WRITER receiving feedback, your only job is to LISTEN and SAY THANK YOU. Do not argue. Do not explain. Do not defend. Take notes if it helps. You can decide later — quietly, on your own — which suggestions to use and which to leave. Feedback is INFORMATION, not a verdict; you are the boss of your own piece.

• Listen all the way through before responding.
• Say: "Thank you, that is helpful" — even if you don’t love every note.
• Write the feedback down so you can look at it later when you are calm.
• Decide LATER, on your own, which notes to use; you do not owe anyone an immediate yes.